Why Life Coaching?

Don’t delay your own good! Get there faster with a life coach

I thought I didn’t need life coaching. I’m reasonably happy, I have a loving husband, I do work that I love, I have a good life. I thought I had it, if not all, at least mostly figured out. But still something was nagging at me : I tend to procrastinate a lot – on things that are important to me. Why would I do that ? Why would I delay my good ?

I thought it was just a matter of getting reconciled to the fact that getting the things I want can involve hard work. I thought it was just a matter of self-discipline : if only I tried harder, things would be fine. “Now get to work, you lazy jerk!”, the voice in my head would say.

But in just one short sample session with Nollaig, I reached a level of clarity I had seldom experienced before…
Nollaig gave me two exercises: write down a list of 10 goals, and write down a list of the people I cherish.

Easy peasy, I thought. I know what my goals are, I know who the people I love are, why would I need to write this down? It’s not as if I’m going to discover either by writing them down, right?

Wrong. Yes, I knew what my goals were, and I knew who my cherished people were, but I hadn’t realized that, by comparing the two lists, I would come to a totally unforeseen conclusion.

You see, the two lists weren’t aligned. Something jarred.

I realized that an overwhelming majority of my goals were things I “had” to do. Not things I enjoyed, but things I had to do before I could enjoy myself – as if I hadn’t deserved yet to do things just for my enjoyment.

Also most of the goals had to do with work, they were business related. Whereas the people I cherish the most are my husband and my family. So there was no overlap between the two domains. List of persons? All family. List of goals? All work. Mmmhhh…

If I cherish my family, but have no goals related to them (like spending more time with them, doing nice things for them or with them, etc.), what does that mean? Does it mean I’m mistaken when I think my goals have to do with business, or I’m mistaken when I think I cherish my family?

Is it a case of one of the lists being things I think I “ought” to value? Does one of the list reflect other people’s expectations, rather than my own?

After much soul-searching, I decided it wasn’t the case. It was more that, deep down, I saw my business goals as a means to an end – the overarching goal being to be financially secure and worry-free, so that I had the freedom to spend more time with the people I love, and I had the means to take care of them.

But there was still a problem, though. I saw spending time with the people I love as something I would do later, after I had achieved my business goals. But in the meantime, what would I do to care for these people? I hadn’t planned for that. Did I really need to be financially secure before I could allow myself to tell the people in my life I loved them? I don’t think so.

Could I just start spending more time with them, even if it meant not working day and night on my business? This sounded doable. Easy, even. Better than that: it felt perfectly right.

I realized that I have this strange divided mentality – I deny myself the things that I enjoy the most, thinking they have to come later, when the work has been done. And in the meantime I don’t enjoy the work, because I’ve denied myself the things I enjoy…

Whereas it would be so much more productive to enjoy myself at the same time that I work – actually, come to think of it, I do enjoy work. It’s just that I have this strange distrust towards pleasure. I see it as antagonist to work and productivity and all the things that make the world go round. After all, if you’re chasing immediate gratification all the time, you never get any work done, right? I had never thought of the two as possibly related. I hadn’t imagined that sometimes, pleasure and work can be one and the same…

So my resolution is to do things I enjoy more often, without feeling guilty because I’m not working. I will also let myself enjoy the work I do, because actually the work I do is enjoyable. It’s just that sometimes I forget this, thinking work has to be a drudgery.

And the best part of this is that this change doesn’t feel uncomfortable or scary, it doesn’t feel like going out of my comfort zone: it feels like coming home to myself.

And I’m definitely planning a weekend away with my husband!